The Quote Hanger

• "Man, that guy Sinatra can sing well!" "Big deal, if I had that voice, I could sing well too!"
• "Vegetarian" is actually an old American Indian word for "bad hunter."
• You know a man is lost when he turns down the volume on the car radio.
• What does New Age music sound like when played backwards? New Age music.
• Doctor to Humpty-Dumpty at the hospital: "Oh, I can fix the cracks, that's no problem. It's your cholesterol and over-weight that bother me."
• They say if you drive slowly, real slowly, though Athens with a window rolled down, the University of Georgia will throw in a degree.
• Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
• Physics lesson: When a body of mass m is submerged in a body of water of volume v, the phone rings.
• It’s like deja-vu all over again.
• A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.
• McDonald's says it has "breakfasts under a dollar." Actually, they cost a bit more once you factor in the cost of a coronary bypass, amortized across all McDonald's breakfasts.
• When my husband makes the bed, it always looks like there's a body buried under the covers.
• You always hear about organ donors but there's nary a mention of piano donors.
• A sentence from one of Lucent Technologies' internal documents; submitted by one of its employees to a Dilbertian quote contest: "Lucent Technologies is endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supercede, the expectations of quality!"
• When you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "Six and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. Then a strange things happens. If you make it over 100, you are back to fractions again: "104, and a half."
• Do not look at laser with remaining eye.
• My goal is to not die in such a fashion as to become a topic of conversation at the next medical examiners convention.
• Bad English is regrettable, but bad Scotch is unforgivable.
• Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
• Beer is one of the fundamental building blocks of the universe, like gravity and duct tape.